22 June 2025
Dearest friend,
The past few months have been a whirlwind: between wedding preparations, the wedding itself, and traveling, I’m beat! But my cup is full!
I have a tendency to get lost in my own head and to drown in the minutiae of daily life. Left on my own for too long and I become maniacal about my routine, protective over each precious minute like a bridge troll (answer my riddles three). When I feel myself unraveling like this, the people in my life are touchstones—reminders that life is about more than just the next milestone or manufactured goal. I remember, again, that this is what actually matters. My wedding was romantic and lovely for all the usual expected reasons, but I truly shed all of my cynicism the moment I looked out across the reception hall and saw (nearly) all of the people whose love and care have kept me afloat over the years gathered in one room. Imagine that! It felt sublime, ecstatic. I cried a little (I cried a lot).1
But I am back now. I’ve lost my foothold a bit: I haven’t written anything substantial in nearly a month and I’ve barely read as well, and the thought of exercise hasn’t even crossed my mind for a couple of weeks. I was worried for a bit that I had fallen off the tracks for good (I can get so damn rigid sometimes that any change/pause feels a bit cataclysmic). Today though that fire is slowly being rekindled. More than motivation, I have clarity. I’m cleaning my email inbox and my home, pulling books off the shelf, sweeping away the mental cobwebs, ready to begin again.
Here’s how my spring went:
the library
I’ve been reading far less than usual so far this year. My mind has been elsewhere. Between trying to turn writing into a regular practice, wedding planning, and working, there hasn’t been much headspace to read. I’m hoping that changes as the days heat up and summer turns the corner. Looking forward to (hopefully) many languorous poolside reading days!
what i read in april and may —
Flux by Jinwoo Chong
I see the vision, but this was not for me.
Intimacies by Katie Kitamura
Another book that was simply not for me, though I greatly admire Kitamura’s deftness with the subtleties of relationships. Kitamura wields language tightly and sparingly, articulating the things said, but even more so, the things left unsaid. I was deeply impressed!
The Yellow Wall Paper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Reread this three times in one go and it still amazes me every time.
Time of the Flies by Claudia Pineiro
Much slower paced and thinky than the prequel, but I still enjoyed this regardless. Pineiro steps up her experimentation in Time of the Flies, with chorus interludes (which I liked a lot) and the inclusion of multiple POV switches (which I liked less).
Real Life by Brandon Taylor
This was excellent! Taylor dissects and flays apart each character’s internal workings on the page. There is a universe of feeling here: of repression, desire, violence, pain, care. I can't wait to read more from Taylor.
Song for the Unraveling of the World by Brian Evenson
Evenson is a creative mastermind. What sick worlds he’s spun in this collection! I read this too quickly, which I wouldn’t recommend. Generally wouldn’t recommend reading short story collections in a single sitting as the stories tend to blur together after a while.
the cinema
Ring (1998)
Dare I say it? This was better than the book. A rightful classic that felt necessary to watch.
White Lotus, Seasons 1-3
Season 2 was my favorite!
the record player
the café
Saba Sams writes for Granta about the alienation of being in a girl-body, the illusion of control, and (not) playing sports as a child. This essay made me think a lot about my own experiences with the same topic (movement, childhood, gendered upbringings). Maybe something to write about someday…
Seven sapphic “hydrofeminist” books. July is poking and prodding, so it may not come as a surprise that water is on the mind. My body yearns to be in water right now. Pool, bath, lake, ocean, anything. Let me know if you have any water-centric book recs!
Can’t Help Myself by Sun Yuan (exhibited at the Guggenheim) is fascinating, both as an artwork on its own, but also as an invitation to interpretation. People feel strongly about it in different and dazzling ways!
Lately I’ve been enamored with the Youtube channel of a young Georgian conservatory student, Mariam Much. Her latest video on practice is beautiful and intentional, and it truly showcases her artistic sensitivity towards the world around her.
A poem for the road:
Poem for My Love
By June JordanHow do we come to be here next to each other
in the night
Where are the stars that show us to our love
inevitable
Outside the leaves flame usual in darkness
and the rain
falls cool and blessed on the holy flesh
the black men waiting on the corner for
a womanly mirage
I am amazed by peace
It is this possibility of you
asleep
and breathing in the quiet air
With the utmost of love,
Charlotte
I used to be quite the wedding cynic. I’d scoff at the people who said that their wedding day was the “best day of [their] lives.” Like, how sad? Is that really the peak? An expensive party? But, no. I get it now. The condensed outpouring of support and love on that day was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, and I’m not sure I’ll experience anything close to it any time soon. (My funeral maybe, but I doubt I’ll be able to witness that). There are a myriad of reasons why the wedding industry is predatory and a little evil etc. etc. But weddings as such? Wonderful!
I'm obsessed with this recap. Sometimes it's okay not to have time to write or read or workout––in my opinion it just means that life is happening, in a good way!
Beautiful beautiful words my friend 💖